Solar-powered Carbon Extractor

Today in class I suddenly had a brilliant idea for a new invention:

Make a cheap, portable small box with a solar panel on the top. Inside the box make a little machine which extracts carbon from carbon dioxide (I don’t care how, make it cheap and simple). Now the box spouts out oxygen and deposits carbon inside a little waste box which you can clean every month or so. All for free since it’s solar powered.

Then I noticed a fatal problem: this already exists.

It’s called a plant.

Personal Statement

Dear Admission officer,

I AM THE MOST FANTASTIC PERSON YOU HAVE EVER MET/WILL EVER MEET. SOON YOU WILL CALL ME INTO AN INTERVIEW ROOM AND YOU WILL BE MARVELLED AT THE AMAZING SPECIMEN OF THE HUMAN SPECIES SITTING IN FRONT OF YOU. BUT LET’S NOT SPOIL THAT SURPRISE AND INSTEAD, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY PAST (FOR YOU WILL NOT WANT TO ASK ME ABOUT SUCH TRIVIAL THINGS WHEN YOU MEET IN IN REAL LIFE).

FIRSTLY I WAS BORN WITH A DISABILITY. MY LIFE HAS BEEN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT AS I INHERITED THE CAPS LOCK DISEASE FROM MY MOTHER. PASSED DOWN FROM GENERATION TO GENERATION, THIS LEFT ME UNABLE TO TALK/WRITE/TYPE WITHOUT SHOUTING. ALTHOUGH MOST PEOPLE FOUND IT ANNOYING, I HAVE ACTUALLY BENEFITED FROM THIS AS I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT THE VALUE OF PERSEVERANCE. FURTHERMORE PEOPLE ARE UNABLE TO IGNORE ME.

ALSO SINCE THE AGE OF 5 I HAVE BEEN WEAK TO ANOTHER DIESASE, THE uncapitalisation disease which randomly makes me unable to type any sort of capital letters. i believe the most difficult TIMES OF MY life was when BOTH DISEASES affect me at the SAME TIME.

I APPLY TO YOUR UNIVERSITY TO BE THE DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE SILLY OF ME TO APPLY OR SOMETHING AS TRIVIAL AS AN EDUCATIONAL DEGREE WHEN I HAVE ALREADY LEARNT EVERYTHING YOUR INSTITUTION HAS TO OFFER BEFORE I TURNED 3. AS SUCH, I DO HOPE YOU SEE THE OPPORTUNITY IN HIRING SUCH A WONDROUS FELLOW AS ME TO REVITALISE AND IMPROVE YOUR ESTABLISHMENT. I CAN TAKE [insert your university here] TO GREATER HEIGHTS THAN IT HAS EVER REACHED, AND WILL NEVER BE REACHED AGAIN AFTER I PASS AWAY.

FURTHERMORE, I WILL CUT COSTS BY FIRING EVERY TEACHER/LECTURER/INTERVIEWER AND ONLY RETAIN THE ADMISSIONS DEPARTMENT. PLUS THE WAGES WOULD BE TRANSFERRED TO THAT DEPARTMENT.
I HOPE YOU REALISE WHAT A GREAT OPPORTUNITY MY APPLICATION BEINGS TO YOUR LIFE. IF NOT, YOU STINK.

Sincerely yours,
JIANN MENG