I Can’t Sleep

Exams start tomorrow. I can’t seem to fall asleep.

It’s a good thing my first paper starts at 1.30pm.

I must admit, I’m nervous. I’ve never gone into an exam nervous. I hardly ever study during school term, but as soon as exam term hits, I always plough through exercises. Sometimes, 2 days of intense studying and I feel like I can take on anything the paper can throw at me.

But I’ve been revising STEP papers for over 2 months now, and almost exclusively doing STEP for the past two weeks. Yet I don’t feel confident doing STEP questions; half the questions I do I make a fatal (often stupid) mistake somewhere. And it’s slowly driving me mad. Whenever I slow down to do a question carefully, I end up overthinking the question. When I try to go with the flow, I miss out on a crucial point.

It’s frustrating, and I don’t like doing frustrating things.

And I can’t forget about the A-Level papers which are just lurking about. The 4 maths papers are bot too difficult, but I fear I end up forgetting some crucial thing in the middle of the exam. Too often the questions require some very specific method and while doing past papers, I sometimes forgot what to do (especially M4).

Oh, economics. It’s not part of my offers for Cambridge or Imperial. I’ve hardly studied economics over the last month. It’s not that I don’t want to, but every time I touch economics I feel guilty that my maths level isn’t up to par yet. I hate purposely neglecting a subject but I don’t have a choice here.

Maybe I should listen to my own advice and go outside. I’ve been living like a recluse the past two weeks, only leaving for the occasional lunch with friends or for necessities. Perhaps I should have gone swimming to clear my mind, or just taken an hour off to cycle around town. Something to get away from the study table.

But anyway, it’s all in the past now. In exactly 12 hours I start my exam periosteum with, perhaps, the most important paper of all (STEP 2) and on Wednesday I take STEP 3. I know that on Wednesday afternoon, once time runs out and I’m forced to put down my pen, I’ll breathe a sigh of relief, because I can finally relax. (And by relax, I mean study for the rest of the A-Level papers).

But really, I should go to sleep.